The art of being friendly

I am probably one of the least friendly people on the planet. I've been thinking about this tragic flaw of mine lately and I've come up with the reasoning behind it. I'm sure all of you have––at least at some point in your life––felt pressured to fit into the little box society has set aside for you. Society has made me believe that a teenage girl should be agreeable, kind, sweet, nurturing, that a girl who speaks out and voices her opinions is rude or arrogant or "has to be a lesbian".

This box may seem trivial, and of course it is compared to the gender inequalities that people face elsewhere in the world, but my mom always told me––and I firmly believe that––you can't judge other people unless you are perfect. In Canada, every man, woman, and child of every gender, religion, ethnicity, and sexual orientation has equal rights. But it isn’t what is written in the Constitution that gives us equality; it is the way we perceive one another. How can we preach equality when we have stopped trying to master it in our own country?

But I'm digressing. My point is, like most people, I do not fit into the box society has made for me. Although I have many typically feminine tendencies, I always have a strong opinion to voice, I love playing aggressive sports, I have a witty sense of humour, and I am blunt. These qualities are at the very centre of my being, and yet I hide them from people at first for fear of judgement. Because I don't let myself be myself around new people, but I also don't know how to be anyone else, I end up going almost completely silent. The other day, I was out on date kind of thing with a boy, and I found myself acting completely unlike myself. Whenever he asked what I wanted to do, rather than being honest, I pretended not to mind, so I would seem agreeable. I answered his questions politely, but rarely elaborated, and asked him questions back. In the end, I just didn't talk very much and we didn't have very good conversation. Looking back, I am disgusted with myself.

People in general need to accept who they are more and show their wonderfully complex selves off to the world. Although the boxes society puts us in are roomier than they were in the past, we need to get rid of the boxes once and for all. Humanity's fixation on order and classifying people is quite frankly ridiculous and stupid. If we all try to be openminded about ourselves and other people perhaps we can provoke others to do the same. 

"John Tucker Must Die"

I'm going to talk about something I like to call the "John Tucker Must Die" scenario. If you aren't familiar with the movie, I am referring to when a guy cheats on his girlfriend and the girlfriend gets mad at the other girl instead of the boy. Now listen, I'm all for flipping out on the girl if she is your friend, but when the girl forgives her boyfriend and goes ballistic on the other woman... that is so not okay. I'm going to try my best to not go all feminist on you, but come on. Yes I know it's wonderful that woman have equal rights in most places in what we call "the western world" and everything, but you can't exactly wonder why there are still immature, sexist boys on the internet posting memes that read, "Go get me a sandwich" when girls aren't even standing up for each other. No, actually it's worse than that. So many girls take the boy's side because they are so pathetic that all they care about is having boys like them. And if you're sitting there right now reading this, thinking that ganging up on other girls isn't a problem, shut up and keep reading.

If you haven't heard of the Amanda Todd story, here is a quick rundown. Basically Amanda Todd was on a chat site, some guy asked her to flash him, and she did. Yes, I know––not the best idea––but it's not that big of a deal. A while later the guy tried to blackmail her into doing more stripping by threatening to leak the photo online. When she refused, the photo went up for everyone to see. She was bullied so much so that she had to change schools. At some point during the bullying a boy she knew reached out to her, and they ended up hooking up even though he had a girlfriend. When his girlfriend found out, she beat Amanda up with a group of friends. The utterly horrendous conclusion to the story is that Amanda Todd killed herself.

The number of stories like this that I have heard in the last while makes me feel sick. So many girls kill themselves because they are taped being raped at a party and rather than empathizing with them, their female peers side with the boys, claiming that the girl "asked for it" and "is a slut." If you are a girl who finds herself ganging up on other girls because boys are doing it or because it's "what's cool", I strongly suggest giving your priorities a serious re-evaluation. If we as women decide to support one another rather than oppose one another, imagine the strides we could make in the world: we could help the teenage girls that feel as though it is them against the world, and the girls and women in countries that deny them their basic rights. We need to stop revolving our lives around males (pleasing them, getting them to like us, etc), and start doing things that are important and benefit other women. The next girl to get drugged and raped at a party could easily be you or your sister or one of your best friends, so instead of judging other girls when they are going through a tough time, try to support them. You could literally save someone's life.