Sunday, December 8, 2013

"Five Reasons to Date a Girl with an Eating Disorder" Parody

This is a post in direct response to this sick article: http://www.returnofkings.com/21313/5-reasons-to-date-a-girl-with-an-eating-disorder.

If you don't want to read the article, it basically gives reasons why dating a girl with an eating disorder is good. For example: "her obsession with her body will improve her overall looks" and "she costs less money." It is disgustingly sexist and insensitive to both eating disorders and obesity.

Five Reasons to Date the Guy Who Wrote The Article

1. His insecurities caused by Small Penis Syndrome will make him obsessed with working out

Because men who suffer from Small Penis Syndrome (SPS) have "size" issues, they try to compensate for it by becoming huge everywhere else. Luckily for you, his large muscle mass is not an accurate reflection of his interior confidence. His self-hatred will make him easy to manipulate. You'll be able to make him do whatever you please, and his toned body will make him look nice and manly while doing it. He is sure to impress all of your female friends. Just make sure you don't let them see him in a pair of tighty whities!

2. He provides you with endless problem solving fun!

If you're the kind of girl who loves never ending puzzles and impossible quizzes then the guy who wrote this article is your ideal man! His fear of confident women and his desire for power in a relationship clearly illustrate his excessive amount of baggage. But he's not the kind of guy that you can fix quickly––he's an endless knot you'll be forever loosening. How enjoyable!

3. You'll have him all to yourself

There is no way such an ignorant jerk has any friends, so you will never have to worry about him being busy. You also won't have to worry about him cheating on you with other girls because his very essence repels all females.

4. You're certainly more intelligent than him

Although most girls are attracted to intelligent, ambitious males, maybe you're interested in being the superior intellect in the relationship. This guy lacks all knowledge about the severity of eating disorders. In fact, the only thing he does seem to know about is patriarchy and misogyny––practices that are virtually obsolete in Western society today. His ignorance is adorable and will make for great stories to share in the workplace.

5.  He's a rebel

Girls are usually into the rugged, tattooed, motorcyclist rebels––I don't know if the guy who wrote this article fits that description, but he certainly does rebel against social norms. Reasonable human beings see women as equals and are considerate when speaking about illnesses like eating disorders––but not him! He's a politically-incorrect, misogynist hipster. Who knows what lines he'll cross next? Maybe he'll start preaching domestic abuse. Bad boys are soooo hot!