"Five Reasons to Date a Girl with an Eating Disorder" Parody

This is a post in direct response to this sick article: http://www.returnofkings.com/21313/5-reasons-to-date-a-girl-with-an-eating-disorder.

If you don't want to read the article, it basically gives reasons why dating a girl with an eating disorder is good. For example: "her obsession with her body will improve her overall looks" and "she costs less money." It is disgustingly sexist and insensitive to both eating disorders and obesity.

Five Reasons to Date the Guy Who Wrote The Article

1. His insecurities caused by Small Penis Syndrome will make him obsessed with working out

Because men who suffer from Small Penis Syndrome (SPS) have "size" issues, they try to compensate for it by becoming huge everywhere else. Luckily for you, his large muscle mass is not an accurate reflection of his interior confidence. His self-hatred will make him easy to manipulate. You'll be able to make him do whatever you please, and his toned body will make him look nice and manly while doing it. He is sure to impress all of your female friends. Just make sure you don't let them see him in a pair of tighty whities!

2. He provides you with endless problem solving fun!

If you're the kind of girl who loves never ending puzzles and impossible quizzes then the guy who wrote this article is your ideal man! His fear of confident women and his desire for power in a relationship clearly illustrate his excessive amount of baggage. But he's not the kind of guy that you can fix quickly––he's an endless knot you'll be forever loosening. How enjoyable!

3. You'll have him all to yourself

There is no way such an ignorant jerk has any friends, so you will never have to worry about him being busy. You also won't have to worry about him cheating on you with other girls because his very essence repels all females.

4. You're certainly more intelligent than him

Although most girls are attracted to intelligent, ambitious males, maybe you're interested in being the superior intellect in the relationship. This guy lacks all knowledge about the severity of eating disorders. In fact, the only thing he does seem to know about is patriarchy and misogyny––practices that are virtually obsolete in Western society today. His ignorance is adorable and will make for great stories to share in the workplace.

5.  He's a rebel

Girls are usually into the rugged, tattooed, motorcyclist rebels––I don't know if the guy who wrote this article fits that description, but he certainly does rebel against social norms. Reasonable human beings see women as equals and are considerate when speaking about illnesses like eating disorders––but not him! He's a politically-incorrect, misogynist hipster. Who knows what lines he'll cross next? Maybe he'll start preaching domestic abuse. Bad boys are soooo hot!

Love or Life?

I am currently experiencing one of those moments when you are awake reading at god-knows-what hour and you start thinking really deep things. The concept I am currently pondering, as evoked by John Green's The Fault in Our Stars, relates to death and love: if I had to choose, would I rather live a long life without ever falling in love or a short life that could double as an epic love story?

Now, before I delve further into this big and somewhat pointless question, I should tell you a bit about myself. I am an over thinker and an over feeler, who spends a lot of time deep inside her mind, imagining scenarios that are often implausible––which explains the fact that I want to be a writer. Because of this attribute, which I have yet to define as either a vice or virtue, I find myself near-constantly enthralled with the future and all the possibilities it holds for me. Unfortunately, as a die-hard romantic, yet single, seventeen-year-old, thinking about my future often leads me to certain worries pertaining to my romantic life. In simple terms I live in fear of being, in internet terms, "forever alone." However, as a girl who regards people who value having a romantic life above everything else with disdain, I am conflicted. This internal strife has lead me to consider how important falling in love is to me. I have come to the conclusion that, although I hope I have a full romantic life, I would still be able to lead a complete and happy life without one.

Though the other relationships in your life cannot give you the same satisfaction that a romantic relationship can, I reject the concept that without a romantic relationship you are "forever alone." If you are surrounded with loving friends and family, you are far from alone. This takes me back to my question of love or life. If I were to choose life, I could go on to do great things: I could leave some sort of significant mark on the world, positively impact the lives of others, raise children. If I were to choose love, I would get a sort of happiness that only people who have been in love can know. Because of this, I have to answer the question in an obnoxiously roundabout way. It doesn't matter which option you choose. 

I say this for one reason and one reason only: you cannot miss something you haven't experienced. You can't miss a long life you've never had anymore than you can miss a love you've never felt. The wonderful, yet horrible, thing about life is that when we are at a crossroads we are not allowed to peer down each path and choose knowing how things will pan out. We have to choose based on intuition, and hope we lead ourselves someplace decent. We cannot live our lives wishing we could turn back the clock and make different decisions. I've had one or two instances when I've wanted a "13 going on 30" miracle, where you get to go back and unmake your bad decision, but I've moved on with the simple hope that I made that dumb choice for a reason. I'd rather feel the guilt and pain, learn from it, and move on than let regret drag me down with it.

The art of being friendly

I am probably one of the least friendly people on the planet. I've been thinking about this tragic flaw of mine lately and I've come up with the reasoning behind it. I'm sure all of you have––at least at some point in your life––felt pressured to fit into the little box society has set aside for you. Society has made me believe that a teenage girl should be agreeable, kind, sweet, nurturing, that a girl who speaks out and voices her opinions is rude or arrogant or "has to be a lesbian".

This box may seem trivial, and of course it is compared to the gender inequalities that people face elsewhere in the world, but my mom always told me––and I firmly believe that––you can't judge other people unless you are perfect. In Canada, every man, woman, and child of every gender, religion, ethnicity, and sexual orientation has equal rights. But it isn’t what is written in the Constitution that gives us equality; it is the way we perceive one another. How can we preach equality when we have stopped trying to master it in our own country?

But I'm digressing. My point is, like most people, I do not fit into the box society has made for me. Although I have many typically feminine tendencies, I always have a strong opinion to voice, I love playing aggressive sports, I have a witty sense of humour, and I am blunt. These qualities are at the very centre of my being, and yet I hide them from people at first for fear of judgement. Because I don't let myself be myself around new people, but I also don't know how to be anyone else, I end up going almost completely silent. The other day, I was out on date kind of thing with a boy, and I found myself acting completely unlike myself. Whenever he asked what I wanted to do, rather than being honest, I pretended not to mind, so I would seem agreeable. I answered his questions politely, but rarely elaborated, and asked him questions back. In the end, I just didn't talk very much and we didn't have very good conversation. Looking back, I am disgusted with myself.

People in general need to accept who they are more and show their wonderfully complex selves off to the world. Although the boxes society puts us in are roomier than they were in the past, we need to get rid of the boxes once and for all. Humanity's fixation on order and classifying people is quite frankly ridiculous and stupid. If we all try to be openminded about ourselves and other people perhaps we can provoke others to do the same. 

"John Tucker Must Die"

I'm going to talk about something I like to call the "John Tucker Must Die" scenario. If you aren't familiar with the movie, I am referring to when a guy cheats on his girlfriend and the girlfriend gets mad at the other girl instead of the boy. Now listen, I'm all for flipping out on the girl if she is your friend, but when the girl forgives her boyfriend and goes ballistic on the other woman... that is so not okay. I'm going to try my best to not go all feminist on you, but come on. Yes I know it's wonderful that woman have equal rights in most places in what we call "the western world" and everything, but you can't exactly wonder why there are still immature, sexist boys on the internet posting memes that read, "Go get me a sandwich" when girls aren't even standing up for each other. No, actually it's worse than that. So many girls take the boy's side because they are so pathetic that all they care about is having boys like them. And if you're sitting there right now reading this, thinking that ganging up on other girls isn't a problem, shut up and keep reading.

If you haven't heard of the Amanda Todd story, here is a quick rundown. Basically Amanda Todd was on a chat site, some guy asked her to flash him, and she did. Yes, I know––not the best idea––but it's not that big of a deal. A while later the guy tried to blackmail her into doing more stripping by threatening to leak the photo online. When she refused, the photo went up for everyone to see. She was bullied so much so that she had to change schools. At some point during the bullying a boy she knew reached out to her, and they ended up hooking up even though he had a girlfriend. When his girlfriend found out, she beat Amanda up with a group of friends. The utterly horrendous conclusion to the story is that Amanda Todd killed herself.

The number of stories like this that I have heard in the last while makes me feel sick. So many girls kill themselves because they are taped being raped at a party and rather than empathizing with them, their female peers side with the boys, claiming that the girl "asked for it" and "is a slut." If you are a girl who finds herself ganging up on other girls because boys are doing it or because it's "what's cool", I strongly suggest giving your priorities a serious re-evaluation. If we as women decide to support one another rather than oppose one another, imagine the strides we could make in the world: we could help the teenage girls that feel as though it is them against the world, and the girls and women in countries that deny them their basic rights. We need to stop revolving our lives around males (pleasing them, getting them to like us, etc), and start doing things that are important and benefit other women. The next girl to get drugged and raped at a party could easily be you or your sister or one of your best friends, so instead of judging other girls when they are going through a tough time, try to support them. You could literally save someone's life.